I’ve never been in love… at least not the “serious” kind. I always thought it to be one of the things movies created so that people would feel better about reality. I have now modified my view of love… or what it means to be in it – if there is a difference. I now believe that movies just do what they always do; EXXAGERATE!
The problem of course is that although people know that movies are mostly (if not completely) fictitious, they still tend to subconsciously believe what they say; especially when it comes to the way people behave: we dress the way they do; we talk the way they do; we laugh at what they tell us is funny and most importantly, we have the same idea of love that they do.
I am studying Sound Engineering which is a course that pretty much encompasses ALL things that have sound in them and this of course, includes movies. In a lecture on audio post production (I will not go into detail about this because then I would have to change the article’s title), my lecturer brought something to my attention – I say he “brought something to my attention” but the truth is that it’s like reading a self-help book, it tells you nothing you don’t know, it just makes the truth more apparent.
He said: “so often, we’re so convinced by what things sound like in movies that we’re disappointed by reality”. This of course, is just like every other thing that happens in movies, i.e. ‘movie-love’: it says that all things are filled only with joy, that two people can only show that they love each other through PHYSICAL means and more importantly, that things always end happily.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a negative view of love, I just feel that it – like many other things in movies – needs to be reviewed according to REALITY. See, the reason love in movies can ALWAYS work out for the best is the thing that separates movies from reality: PREDICTABILITY.
I was watching some stand-up comedy the other day where the comedian (I forgot his name) said that while he was watching a Rom-Com with his wife, his wife brought up how romantic a line said by a man in the movie was and then asked: “why don’t YOU ever say romantic things like that?” to which he replied “He can say that because the script is WRITTEN, if you jot something down, I’ll say whatever you want me to!”
The reason ‘movie-love’ can afford to have all of its positive attributes is because the parties involved KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
Now, that being said, my improved view of love says that:
1. Sometimes, things going badly does not show a lack of love – in fact, at times it proves that there is more love than one originally thought there was (please, don’t let this be an excuse to be in an abusive relationship).
2. We are all meant to define what love means for OURSELVES – but be responsible enough to understand others’ definitions and not impose ours on them.
3. We are meant to accept that because we are different, our views of/on love will also be different but that doesn’t make them any less/more inferior/superior to ours.
At the end of the day, our beliefs shape our decisions which consequently shape our fate (who we become). Just always remember that Love cannot exist without compromise – from ALL parties involved.
My definition of love has now been refined; I now believe that love is acceptance and understanding without limitation (yeah, you can quote me on that) . . . if “movie-love” is working for you though; there is no love lost between us.
May the light in all things be with you.